Little green monster called Mr. Jealousy.

I'm just gonna say it right now. I am an extremely jealous person. Although I like to believe I am pretty good at hiding it, it still eats me up inside. I also have this thing where it is really hard for me to forget about things and get over people. I guess I'm just a normal girl but it suckkkkksss.
Boys are so dumb. Just remember that girls. They have no idea what they are doing. There brains are wired differently then ours. When they say things they don't know that you will remember them forever. When they tell you to forget about something they don't know that you will never ever forget. They make things awkward and they are awkward. It's just how boys are in teenageism.
Enough on the sad note.... I really have amazing friends. I have seen who will stick by my side. Tell me everything. Listen to my problems and love me for who I am. And those kinds of friends are absolutely priceless. I have this best friend who happens to be very attractive and gets lots of girls. Haha. But I hope he notices that a lot of us are sticking by him through every girl. And not judging him or leaving him when he has issues. He's amazing. I hope the new girl stays around for awhile because she is also amazing and I love her.
I am so very grateful for the advice that so many people give me. I feel so loved by all the support I have received. I am so unbelievably blessed to have met people this year who I can be 100% myself with and I feel comfortable around them.
Sophomore, Shelby:)

These insane people I call my friends

Really when I think about it, I know that I say this a lot but life truly takes you by suprise and it changed like none other for me this year. I know that god has a plan for me and I can see it in action lately. By giving me these amazing people to help me out in life:)

Ella: oh dear well we are going on our third year of being best friends. I have no idea what I would do without her. She is willing to do anything and everything for me. I can be 100% myself when I am with her because I know that she will always love me haha. She truly is amazing and anyone is lucky to know her.

 Tanner: Well we have known eachother for like 4 years but we never really became way good friends until our sophomore year started and we really needed to lean on eachother. I have to thank him for a lot of the friends that I have gained in high school. He is pretty much the funniest person alive and he ALWAYS knows how to make me feel better. He totally understands me and is always there for me.

Melanie: She is one of the people who I met this year who I never would've thought that we would be best friends. She is a cheerleader. Tall and gorgeous. I love how she stands up for her friends and what she believes in. We have been there for eachother in all the highschool drama. And we laugh so hard we were together. We think we're hilarious but no one else does haha.

Taylor: it's crazy to think that I only met him at the homecoming game this year because now we are so so close. He stands up for me. I'm pretty sure he gives the best pep talks known to man kind. He always says the sweetest things to make me feel better. He genuinely cares about what I say and I love him for that.

Nikki: My cousin who I have been best friends since birth with. I love when we can hang out and catch up. We have the funniest times and she is so amazing. I can be myself around her and we always pick up right where we left off. We are only like 2 months apart and that is so much fun!


Lindsey: I am beyond grateful for this girl. It's kinda funny how were friends she like came out of no where haha but she always knows when I am feeling sad and she always tells SHELBY I LOVE YOU. at any given moment. I love how we can trust eachother and talk about anything. She is honestly an amazing daughter of god and that's no joke.

Kallee: through Instagram and mutual friends we became the best of friends. She is always willing to listen to my endless drama and she never complains about that. I love how we can talk about anything and everything. We seriously have so much in common which makes her so easy to talk to. She always makes me laugh. I wish that he would just know how much she means to me and how incredible she is.

Lizzie: I cannot even belive I am friends with this girl. She is awesome. She is always willing to listen and I feel we became good friends so quickly and I really feel like she is a person who truly has my back and stands up for me. She makes my day and always knows what to say.

I am so very blessed and grateful for the amazing friends I have been blessed with. There are others but I am tired off writing:) but I also especially love, Camilla C, Abby, Hyrum, Nate, Wesley, Justin, Chad, Ryan, Braiden and Nona.

The three confused hand holders.

I have many guy friends it's a true fact. And on 3 different occasions, when I least expected it they grabbed the hand that I call mine. The hand with my CTR ring on it which is very ironic I must say. All three of these instances have been very different but each left a crack in my heart just the same.
Numbero 1: We will call this person younger man. Yes I think that's appropriate. Well we had always kinda had this sort of attraction to eachother it was evident to us and to others. Many others in our friend group were totally cool with holding hands but i never ha with him before. I can't quite remember who made the first move but I do remember it was easy. We held hands throughout the movie as my head rested on my shoulder. It was perfectly normal and just dandy. Life went on and nothing really happened. And now he denies it never happened. When me and all of the other people there are perfectly aware that it did.
Numbero 2: We shall call him.... Curly. So on a crazy minimal day we had taken a walk up the hill from the high school to my house. We were accompanied by Tanner, Camilla C., Camilla B., Mel, Taylor, and Nate. As we got to my house we watched X men a good movie and nothing happened I sat by Nate all was good. Then we were laughing like crazy people and then we started our next movie Mobsters and Mormons haha. So as a back story Camilla B. and Taylor are pretty much in love as they cuddled on the bean bag. And I was sitting on our chairs now in the middle of Nate and Curly. Us three kept joking about how we were gonna cuddle up there while they did down there. And that's when curly slowly held my hand and brought me closer to him. At first this felt like a total joke but as the movie went on it really didn't. He did the number one thing that makes me swoon ya know when they have your hand and they rub there thumb against there's ahhh I love that. So then that all went down and they left and I didn't expect him to like me cause I knew of his long list of girls. But it was weird that I was actually feeling something and that sucked. But as he said it was just a "friends with benefits" deal. I was like okay... We didn't talk normally for like two weeks but now were fine and that's not happening again.
Numbero 3: This one is especially close to the heart not only because of the person but because it happened just last night. I shall call this man Mr. J. Because that's cute:) So when I started high school there was only one guy who especially caught my eye. He was friends with some of my friends and we had two classes together. As we became closer he teased me a ton and I secretly loved it. So thanksgiving break is when I sorta told him I like him through his best friend and he gave me the whole "I'm glad were friends, lets keep it that way." So I gave up. But then right as I started to give up he started coming back I really was like WTF man!! But he's 16 an he said he wants to keep his options open. He promised himself that he wouldn't get serious with anyone which is why I had no idea that this was gonna happen. So we're watching a movie at my house as per usual. My perfect dream was that he would hold my hand but I didn't expect it to happen. So we sat by eachother but a cup holder was in between us. I put my hand down there just as an option ya know;) then he put his hang down there and then my hand was kinda resting on his. Then he grabbed my hand and interlocked out fingers. I was so shocked my stomach almost burst from butterflies. So our hands were freezing so he put a blanket over them. And he was really good at holding hands let me tell ya:) I was on cloud 9. So I went outside for a little bit cause someone was sending me on a wild goose chase. Then I came back and I couldn't feel my arms or my hands at all. So I came back and he put both of my hands under the blanket and was like rubbing them to warmth. It was so so so good. And we just kept holding hands right up until he left. And have me a hug goodbye. I was dying cause I thought that me might actually like me an that would make my whole life. So I was happy like skipping around until he texted me at 12:15 and said that he didn't mean any of it. I truly felt like the world had ended an I'm still pretty much crying over it as I write this post. So now I'm lost with him. I feel as though this will be even worse to get I've dear Mr. J then last time.
That's some of my depressing heartbreaks for the day.
Sad, Shelby.

What am I doing?

Really who am I? Who is real? Who isn't?
I have been going through a lot lately I'm not gonna lie. I have struggled knowing who I am or what my worth is. And then one Sunday night it all came to me as a flood of things. At least 5 texts from people whom I truly admire telling me to push on and telling me of my infinite worth. Though I may question it sometimes I know that I am important and that peopled really do care about me. I felt that love pouring down from my Heavenly Father more than ever. Because my trials are but a small moment. Because that crack in my heart that he made will soon mend.
Last night as I felt many things crashing down I really got the true taste of who my real friends are. Because sometime jut eating cookie dough and laying on my bed with an amazing friend can change the world. Talking with someone who understands and actually cares meant so so much. Pouring out everything about boys,friends, family, our first kiss wants, that driver of the purple truck who broke us and even food we could go on and on. A true best friend couldn't come at a better time.
Even though that smile sometimes still finds it's way to pierce my heart. The leather jacket that made its way around my shoulders on that night..... It's means nothing to me anymore. Hey boy it's your loss. It's your fault you are losing me. So stop playing games.
I feel like all of the right things are falling into place. You win some and you lose some and that's the way it's supposed to be.
I hope all people of this world know that you should NEVER mess with any o my friends. Because you will definitely regret it.
Seeing old friends from dear old Lincoln and caring up is probably one of the best things ever.
Late night phone calls with T&T leave me laughing on the floor or smiling of there sweetness.
Single, completely confused, happy, sophomore, but now I know who is real.
Shelbbbbbyyyyy